SOLITUDE

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There I was amidst the crowd
Merging and gelling around
The moments passed to hours
And soon it was time to go
The sanctity of home beckoned
The silence, the solitude awaited
A pull, a tug to leave and go
To the haven of solitude and bliss
The stillness in the silence
This was the ultimate experience
Why then the need to go out
When it all was right within
Why step out at all in the ocean
When it all was at the shore
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Silence

Where was the sound?

I could hear it loud

Yet it seemed silent

I know not how

It was the sound of the mind

The chatter in the mind

at times it felt like birds chirping

at times it felt like waves lashing

The sound went on and on

Silence …how would it be?

Was it no sound? utter stillness?

Did silence have no sound?

Then I would  have to see it

and surely could not hear it

how would it be?

would it be dark or light?

Who then would see the silence

In the stillness, in the darkness

How could silence be seen?

Who saw when the eyes closed

Who heard when the ears were shut

There was an “I” other than this body

infinite and one, that was the “I”

With no you, only an “I”

Who saw who heard who spoke

It was this “I” and none other

Where was this “I” did I know

Not until I existed would I know

the “I” untouched…unseen…yet…

The eternal one…

No mind!

 

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Stop! said the mind

Why? asked the drop

‘Coz i am superior

Who said so?

I know so

You know not though

I do know though

You are but an illusion

Its just your imagination

A heap of impressions

The heap makes me strong

Again your illusion

I rule the senses

Is what you think so

I control the body

You really think so?

I am the mighty mind

‘coz you lost the intellect

Why do I need intellect?

to discriminate and assess

Why would I need that?

To learn and know the truth

I am the supreme ruler

There is only one supreme

That is me, I said so

Look beyond and see so

I am whole and complete

Its what you assume so

How do you know so?

A Speck of the same I am

None is superior than me

You will dissolve in your pride

Better than I admit defeat

There is no fight here

I believe its war here

if there were two to fight

There is another, other than me

It is a block, unveil the screen

Layers are my strength

no they are your weakness

I need them to live and rule

they are just a deception

I refuse to accept defeat

Just accept your deceit

What would happen then

the supreme will absolve you

why would I want that

as you need to rest a while

I already feel so light

dissolve and absolve

no sound…no words…

Dissolved completely

eternally…it became “No Mind”

Break the bubble…

I keep enjoying the safety of the bubble and feel very secure. Never once I feel suffocated and just keep rolling in and out of different lives and different bodies.

It is just like changing clothes. The choice is endless and I roll inside the bubble…unware and completely immersed in changing clothes, enjoying the changes, suffering through some, yet not seeking anything except peace and happiness. Not knowing why it is evading me and yet not pursuant enough to find out. The changing of clothes and the session in each piece of cloth intriguing me and trapping me.

After ages, at one point I finally open my eyes a little bit and look around. I am unable to judge where the bubble begins and where it ends. Something stirs deep within and a feeling arises that the bubble is not actually a safety haven but a trap.

I start feeling suffocated and restless, almost claustrophobic. Why am I in this? Who am I? The desire to feel free and break the bubble and realise the self starts troubling me.

It keeps nagging constantly and I start seeking for a way out. I go to temples, meet sanyasis. I read books, scriptures and attend satsang. I take up all the required techniques which come with the label “ Moksh ka dwaar”, the door to Mukti/liberation.

This stresses me out even more. Wherever I go I see more bubbles all trying out some method or the other but reaching nowhere. At times desolation would hit me and I would feel reckless and angry.

What is each bubble doing? Why is no one out of it? Is there anyone out of it? Is even a single one liberated?

What would occur when liberation happened? Would the bubble break? Would I be back to my own essence of the beautiful drop of the ocean, merging back into the ocean? Would there be a bubble without a drop of water? No!

So the bubble was an illusion…temporary. The drop was real yet not visible. Once merged in the expanse of the ocean, where would the drop go? It would be merged and would have no identity of being a drop.
This is what I understand. This understanding makes me feel free though not liberated. The suffocation is reduced because now I know that the bubble exists only because of the drop and I am the drop and one day the bubble will break. It has to…

When, how and where does not matter. Let it take its course. Within the bubble I feel free now. I live in my own essence, using the bubble as a mask, yet not attaching my identity to it.

I am pure, beautiful drop…seeking to join the ocean where I belong. I will merge into it and lose myself into it. Then nothing of me remains and yet I remain as the paramatma/super consciousness.

Now the bubble no longer troubles me. It is there because I am there. It is like the reflection of the face on the mirror. The reflection is not real. The mirror shattering will finish the reflection but not the face outside the mirror.

I am me…I will now enjoy the ride…float through the turbulence with awareness and laugh and be joyous all the time. In this joy, laughter, I will get closer to the self.

In sadness and sorrow I get more into the trap. Moment to moment…I will live totally…it’s the present I have received…the present moment is the truth…the only truth…

Soaked in my essence, I resolve to live life in its totality.