Break the bubble…

I keep enjoying the safety of the bubble and feel very secure. Never once I feel suffocated and just keep rolling in and out of different lives and different bodies.

It is just like changing clothes. The choice is endless and I roll inside the bubble…unware and completely immersed in changing clothes, enjoying the changes, suffering through some, yet not seeking anything except peace and happiness. Not knowing why it is evading me and yet not pursuant enough to find out. The changing of clothes and the session in each piece of cloth intriguing me and trapping me.

After ages, at one point I finally open my eyes a little bit and look around. I am unable to judge where the bubble begins and where it ends. Something stirs deep within and a feeling arises that the bubble is not actually a safety haven but a trap.

I start feeling suffocated and restless, almost claustrophobic. Why am I in this? Who am I? The desire to feel free and break the bubble and realise the self starts troubling me.

It keeps nagging constantly and I start seeking for a way out. I go to temples, meet sanyasis. I read books, scriptures and attend satsang. I take up all the required techniques which come with the label “ Moksh ka dwaar”, the door to Mukti/liberation.

This stresses me out even more. Wherever I go I see more bubbles all trying out some method or the other but reaching nowhere. At times desolation would hit me and I would feel reckless and angry.

What is each bubble doing? Why is no one out of it? Is there anyone out of it? Is even a single one liberated?

What would occur when liberation happened? Would the bubble break? Would I be back to my own essence of the beautiful drop of the ocean, merging back into the ocean? Would there be a bubble without a drop of water? No!

So the bubble was an illusion…temporary. The drop was real yet not visible. Once merged in the expanse of the ocean, where would the drop go? It would be merged and would have no identity of being a drop.
This is what I understand. This understanding makes me feel free though not liberated. The suffocation is reduced because now I know that the bubble exists only because of the drop and I am the drop and one day the bubble will break. It has to…

When, how and where does not matter. Let it take its course. Within the bubble I feel free now. I live in my own essence, using the bubble as a mask, yet not attaching my identity to it.

I am pure, beautiful drop…seeking to join the ocean where I belong. I will merge into it and lose myself into it. Then nothing of me remains and yet I remain as the paramatma/super consciousness.

Now the bubble no longer troubles me. It is there because I am there. It is like the reflection of the face on the mirror. The reflection is not real. The mirror shattering will finish the reflection but not the face outside the mirror.

I am me…I will now enjoy the ride…float through the turbulence with awareness and laugh and be joyous all the time. In this joy, laughter, I will get closer to the self.

In sadness and sorrow I get more into the trap. Moment to moment…I will live totally…it’s the present I have received…the present moment is the truth…the only truth…

Soaked in my essence, I resolve to live life in its totality.

Love…a duty????

Love is a pure emotion…its unconditional…its just there…

I agree that love is a pure emotion. Yet how does it become unconditional?

If its love…its true…its unconditional. Where there is any condition or expectation, it is not love…it is possession. With our own parents, our kids, our relations and even our own body we have conditions and expectations. Total acceptance is lacking. So it cannot be love. It is understood as love, but it is not love.

Well that sounds very harsh and kind of false. To believe that I do not love my own parents, my brother/sister, my kids who are so much mine is really heart breaking. Somehow I cannot believe it. I do love them.

You think you love them. Love has no conditions. Its unconditional acceptance without any expectations.

But what if someone is erring? Someone is on the wrong route? Is it not my duty to guide them, as I expect good for them? How can this be explained?

It is still not love. As soon as you say the other is on the wrong path, you are judging them by your parameter. Who are you to judge anyone, even if you feel you own them/possess them? Also duty and love are two opposites. Where the word duty comes, love disappears.

Duty is important for me. I have always fulfilled my duties. That is because I love those people. I do my duty towards my body by exercising, eating right and taking care of it. I take care of the ones I love and so I am doing my duty correctly. How can love disappear when duty appears?

Duty and love can never co-exist. Where there is love, actions happen. There is no duty or rule attached. It is just like a bud that blooms into a flower. Does the bud do its duty in blossoming into a flower? Is it not natural? When we judge anything or anyone, we are nowhere near love. Love is simply accepting…love is simply loving…not for a reason, not for anything!

Well we do love others for some reason or the other. Like I love my parents because they gave birth to me, they took care of me, they loved me…same goes with everyone I love. If love is simply loving without reason, then probably we do not love anyone at all…even this body. As when my body does not function perfectly, I hate it. I get angry on my body for not responding to the care I give.

See now you have answered your own question. Where there is expectation, love cannot exist. We have always understood like and dislike, happiness and sadness…its all duality. Two sides of the same coin. Love is not opposite of hatred. Yet we have been taught like this for years. Love is eternal…If you hate someone, how can love be there? what you think is hate, is nothing but dislike. Love is pure…its complete…it has no two sides…its not one side of a coin…its the entire coin.

Somehow this is so difficult to accept. Don’t I love my body? I worry about it, I take care of it…I believe I love it. Yet I have not accepted my body the way it is. I have not accepted everyone the way they are. I have expectations from all. So many conditions…how can this be love? Feeling unconditional love even for my own body is so difficult…how then can I feel unconditional love for others? Everything is based on conditions…It is really depressing…the very fact that I have never felt love…all this while I had felt it was love…now what should I do?

Drop the conditions…drop the conditioning…drop the expectations…Just accept unconditionally…accept your body the way it is, accept everyone the way they are. Why expect anything from anyone? It is like asking a rosebud to flower into a lotus because you feel lotus is better than rose! Rosebud will flower into a rose…each bud will blossom as per its nature…we cannot interfere with nature…interference is like trampling someone. When you tell an orange that it is not as crisp as an apple…are you not expecting something out of its very nature? Complete acceptance is love…

How do I learn to accept everything the way it is and everyone the way they are?

Accept yourself the way you are…totally…the rest will happen…same goes with love…when you love yourself totally, the way you are…you can love others the way they are…

It is not easy to accept myself or others…

It is not difficult either…look at the sky, the clouds, the flowers…all are in tune with each other…they are not fighting, they are not expecting anything from each other. They are in complete synchronicity…

Very true! Why then as humans, we are not like that? Why is there expectations, anger, non-acceptance? Yet all the time, it is we who speak of love…

Very strange, yet true…we speak of love though, love is our very nature…to understand more about this, we will meet soon.

love…possession?

You cannot possess what you love and if you love you cannot possess it!

How is that even valid? Of course I love myself, my people and my possessions. Why would I otherwise be attached to them? Its only when we love someone that we are attached to them.

Is it so? Does loving someone mean being attached to them? Love is possible only in detachment.

That is not possible at all. When I am detached how can I love? Now suppose there is a man walking on the street, who I  hardly know. Can I love him? NO, its not possible. Only to those who I love, I am attached.

You are confusing detachment with indifference. You are indifferent to that man, you are not detached. What you feel is attachment and the fact that it happens with love is nothing but bondage. You have very carefully woven ropes of attachment around you in the name of love. 

How can love be bondage? How can attachment be bondage?  I am so attached to some people and I love them so much! How can that be like a rope tied around me? I love them, I love the attachment. They are so much mine!

Yet, they bring tears to your eyes! Yet you feel hurt at times by their words. Yet you expect them to be in a certain way, you expect something or the other from them. How can anyone you love bring sorrow to you?

Well that is my fault too. My expectations bring sorrow. I need to learn to accept them the way they are. That way there will be no expectations and therefore no sorrow. But it is really difficult. Naturally when we associate so closely to someone, or if someone is your blood relation, expectations will be there. To unconditionally accept someone is not easy, though that seems to the best way to avoid sorrow.

What if that someone ignores you, or hurts you with strong words? Will you still accept the person as he is? Will you not feel hurt? Just by saying we must accept, we cannot accept. You have to love a person, in order to accept them the way they are.

Well of course, love is the reason why we would even think of accepting another person. Yet it is difficult. Why is this so? There should be no conditions in love and yet we have so many conditions. I am confused.

That is because you are not yet aware of love. What you feel is love, is only an illusion. By birth you are related to some people like your parents and siblings etc. Then by choice you are related to your spouse and then again kids are born and the cycle continues. Then you have friends, your possessions, your status and so on. You think that what you feel for all is love. It is not. It is just possession, possessiveness and attachment which comes due to ownership. You feel you are related, you feel you are the owner, you feel you possess certain things, so all that is yours, you feel you love them.

Yes, whatever and whoever is mine, I love them. That is true. I love myself, my body also, as it is mine. All that is associated with this body, my possessions, my relations…I love them too. So well because they are mine, love is natural is it not?

Is it so??? Does being born in a family blossom love for the family members by default? Does marrying someone bring emotions of love for that one? Does bearing kids, bring love automatically? Just having this body as yours, bring love for it? Is this  love? Just having something or someone is love? 

Yes, it is. Whatever I feel is mine, brings the emotion of love for them.

Love is a pure emotion…Love is absolutely pure.

I agree. My love is pure…

How can a pure emotion…a true emotion…bring sorrow??? Think about this and we will meet very soon…

 

Its all a dream!

Its all a dream!!

Even this body, these relatives, my family…??

Yes, its just a dream…a long dream we need to wake up from!

So what about the dreams at night when we are asleep? They are dreams…this life that we are leading and living is real,is it not???

So what happens when death happens? where does this life then go? where do all the relations, this body and everything that you feel you possess go?

Well as I have this life, I am leading a life, I love all my near and dear ones, I love my body and all the material possessions I have, my house, my car and so on…When death happens it just remains, while the body is cremated.

Once the body is dissolved in the five elements after cremation, who remains? Who remains to say that my family is mine, my car, my house etc. 

Well the family continues to live on I move on to take another birth probably…that’s what happens is it not?

So when you take another birth, do you remember your family, your possessions? Do you still love them? Do you miss them? Or do you just have a new family and new attachments…very casually…as though the others that were previously so dear to you do not even exist!

Yes, I actually do forget everyone…I have no clue of what went on in my previous birth, who I was, what I had accumulated and who I was close to…When again this body dies, I will disconnect from all that I feel I cannot live without…

True! So even while you have this body and this knowledge, you must learn to detach from everyone and everything…detachment is freedom…which is freedom from attachment…as attachment is bondage…

But it is so difficult. I love my family members, my relatives and my close ones. I love some of my possessions, my house. I love this body of mine and my status in society. I love my life…what should I do? How I can I not love and just leave?

Who said detaching is leaving? Also if you say you love then it means you have misunderstood love. You cannot love someone who you are attached to. You can only possess that or them. Possession leads to possessiveness and attachment and brings duality of happiness and sadness. Love does not exist in this case. You cannot love what you possess and you cannot possess what you love…Understand this well and we will meet again very soon!

Wake up!!

All our lives we have been woken up from our slumber except when we were babies. That was when we were put to sleep!!

After that it has always been “Wake up”

So why then when we were put to sleep as babies, we were told to wake up as we grew up? Also, as soon as “wake up” instructions began, sleep was more inviting than ever.

Sleep was much more inviting in our teens!

As we grow up, we hold responsible positions and we wake up by the alarm and when we become parents, we start the mantra “wake up” for our kids.

Wake up…from sleep! What we feel about being awake when we are physically not asleep, is also an illusion.

Are we awake? Or are we sleeping with our eyes open? Not lying down and not closing our eyes does not mean we are awake.

We need to awaken to reality…to truth. What is truth? What is reality?

Does it mean that now we are in the unreal and everything is a lie?

Are we kind of sleeping over  the reality or have our eyes shut to the truth?

YES!! So how do we open our eyes? How does one wake up?

Until the time we are associating the self to the body we will always be under the false impression that when the body is awake we are awake and when it is sleeping we are asleep.

Break that illusion that “I am this body” as that is the first lie we are associated with after we are born.

Unknowingly we are trained to understand that the body is “me”. And all that the body associates with is mine.

So it is always, my body, my mind, my hand, my head, my brain, my relatives, my car and so on…

When all this is yours? Who are you??????

Bas Waqt Hi Na Raha…

 

Sun peeping through the dark clouds

 

बस वक्त ही ना रहा
– नैना नायर

ज़िन्दगी गुज़र गयी
बस वक्त ही ना रहा
मेरा सफ़र चलता रहा
कर्म तो मैं करता गया
ज़िन्दगी मैं जीता गया
बस वक़्त ही ना रहा
पल पल गुज़र गए
उम्र भी निकलती गयी
संसार की दौड़ मे
मैं हर पल डूबता गया
समय के इस खेल में
बस वक़्त ही ना रहा
आना जाना भागना दौड़ना
इतना फसा मैं इस चक्र मे
की रुकना और ठहरना था
ये याद ही ना रहा
वक़्त का क्या तकाज़ा
हर पल हर समय गुज़रता गया
बस वक़्त ही ना रहा
हसी ख़ुशी बस पल की थी
घम तो मानो हर समय था
इच्छा पूर्ती करते करते
बस वक़्त ही ना रहा
रिश्तों के झंझाल मे
मैं बुरी तरह फस्ता गया
रिश्ता जिस से बनाना था
उसे तो भूल बैठा था
इस विचार को संबोधित करना था
बस वक़्त ही ना रहा
चार दिन की यह ज़िन्दगी
मौत दरवाज़े पर दस्तक देती
मैं कौन हूँ यह सोचना था
बस वक़्त ही ना रहा
काला घना अँधेरा छाया
बादल गरजे तूफ़ान आया
ज़िन्दगी के आखरी पल थे
मौत का चाबुक चल गया
दर्द से चीख़ निकल उठी
क्या बस यही ज़िन्दगी थी
खेल क्या इतना ही था?
ये जान लेना तो पहले था
बस वक़्त ही ना रहा
मौत के अँधेरे खायी मे
एकदम हल्का हो गया मैं
अकेला और निराश मैं
संसार से ओझल हो गया
जलती अग्नि के धुए मे
एक तिनका बनकर रह गया
आंख अब खुल गयी थी
सपना टूट गया था
जान लिया मैं कौन हूँ
पर महसूस करना ना हुआ
शरीर अब जो ना रहा
समय भी रुक गयी
मैं भी ठहर गया
और वक़्त भी ना रहा…

MONDAY AGAIN!!

“Mom!” screamed my eight year old son. The cucumber slices almost fell out of my hand. “What is it? You scared me,” I scolded arranging the veggies on the bread.
“My pencil box is not there in the bag!” he exclaimed. He was looking everywhere in the room. He even picked up the cushion on the sofa to check if the pencil box was underneath. I left the half made sandwich, wiped my hands on my apron and joined the search.
“Mom, my tie and my prefect badge are not to be seen. Have you seen it? Maybe you kept it somewhere while putting the school shirt for washing,” yelled my thirteen year old daughter from the bedroom on the first floor.
Now I was supposed to look for three things. It was Monday again. I sighed. After two days of relaxation, Monday mornings were always stressful. Everyone was looking for something. “Didn’t I ask you last night if your bag was packed and if your uniform and accessories were in place?”
“But Mom, I had packed my bag. I don’t know where I kept the pencil box after doing my project” said my son walking in circles around the room looking very frustrated.
“Mom, my tie and badge were right here in my wardrobe when I last saw it, but I can’t find it now. We will be late for school. Ma, come up and help me search” my daughter continued screaming from the floor above.
“By the way when was it that you saw it last?” I raised my voice, slightly angry now.
Hubby intervened. “You go and make those sandwiches. I will take care of the missing items.”
“How are you going to search now? They have to leave in ten minutes or they will be standing in the late line and getting punished.” I went back to the kitchen to pack the lunch boxes.
My eight year old meanwhile had managed to find his last year’s pencil box, sharpened a few pencils and came and showed it to me. “My good boy,” I managed to say still worried that dear daughter had yet to find her tie and badge.
“Oh! Ma, I found the tie and the badge in my school bag,” my daughter breezed down the stairs screaming with delight.
I packed the lunch box and handed it to them. Thankfully everything was resolved and they were not going to be late.
“Ma!” exclaimed my son.
“Oh my God, what is it now?” I asked hoping there was nothing else missing.
“My pencil box was right here in the bag. I had kept it in the place where I keep my lunch box” he said smiling sheepishly, happy that he had found his original pencil box.
“Okay bye mom” “Bye Ma”
I closed the door and heaving a sigh of relief sat on the sofa. However much I tried and checked that everything was in place for
Monday morning, something was bound to go missing. Or probably it was just the stress that everyone faced when the week began after a nice enjoyable relaxed two day long weekend. Tuesday until Friday always went fine.
The Monday morning blues…I recollected the song. I needed a cup of ginger tea and I was going to listen to some nice soothing music and relax…Next Monday was another week away!