I keep enjoying the safety of the bubble and feel very secure. Never once I feel suffocated and just keep rolling in and out of different lives and different bodies.
It is just like changing clothes. The choice is endless and I roll inside the bubble…unware and completely immersed in changing clothes, enjoying the changes, suffering through some, yet not seeking anything except peace and happiness. Not knowing why it is evading me and yet not pursuant enough to find out. The changing of clothes and the session in each piece of cloth intriguing me and trapping me.
After ages, at one point I finally open my eyes a little bit and look around. I am unable to judge where the bubble begins and where it ends. Something stirs deep within and a feeling arises that the bubble is not actually a safety haven but a trap.
I start feeling suffocated and restless, almost claustrophobic. Why am I in this? Who am I? The desire to feel free and break the bubble and realise the self starts troubling me.
It keeps nagging constantly and I start seeking for a way out. I go to temples, meet sanyasis. I read books, scriptures and attend satsang. I take up all the required techniques which come with the label “ Moksh ka dwaar”, the door to Mukti/liberation.
This stresses me out even more. Wherever I go I see more bubbles all trying out some method or the other but reaching nowhere. At times desolation would hit me and I would feel reckless and angry.
What is each bubble doing? Why is no one out of it? Is there anyone out of it? Is even a single one liberated?
What would occur when liberation happened? Would the bubble break? Would I be back to my own essence of the beautiful drop of the ocean, merging back into the ocean? Would there be a bubble without a drop of water? No!
So the bubble was an illusion…temporary. The drop was real yet not visible. Once merged in the expanse of the ocean, where would the drop go? It would be merged and would have no identity of being a drop.
This is what I understand. This understanding makes me feel free though not liberated. The suffocation is reduced because now I know that the bubble exists only because of the drop and I am the drop and one day the bubble will break. It has to…
When, how and where does not matter. Let it take its course. Within the bubble I feel free now. I live in my own essence, using the bubble as a mask, yet not attaching my identity to it.
I am pure, beautiful drop…seeking to join the ocean where I belong. I will merge into it and lose myself into it. Then nothing of me remains and yet I remain as the paramatma/super consciousness.
Now the bubble no longer troubles me. It is there because I am there. It is like the reflection of the face on the mirror. The reflection is not real. The mirror shattering will finish the reflection but not the face outside the mirror.
I am me…I will now enjoy the ride…float through the turbulence with awareness and laugh and be joyous all the time. In this joy, laughter, I will get closer to the self.
In sadness and sorrow I get more into the trap. Moment to moment…I will live totally…it’s the present I have received…the present moment is the truth…the only truth…
Soaked in my essence, I resolve to live life in its totality.